Stay
We build by choice, sustain it with preference, and break it by decision. And we’re at the power in all of these. Some things are surely meant, but some things are meant by a choice.
Hey Friends,
I’ve been trying to write something thoughtful for a real good time. And of all the time I was pushing myself for something that wasn’t spontaneous but contrived.
With every new thought I present on the internet, I want it to produce a percent of the impact on everyone which together can spiral inquisitiveness and consideration.
So what’s more pleasing than a particular idea that I was thinking about lately and trying to associate my notions and principles with?
STAY.
The Rule of Life
Whatever comes in this world, has to go away one day.
That statement reflects a philosophical concept known as the impermanence or transience of all things. It is a fundamental principle found in various philosophical and spiritual traditions, including Buddhism.
The idea behind the statement is that everything in life, whether it be material possessions, relationships, or even life itself, is temporary and subject to change. Nothing lasts forever, and everything eventually comes to an end or transforms into something else.
This perspective encourages individuals to accept the ephemeral nature of life and to cultivate a sense of detachment from the impermanent world. It emphasizes the significance of appreciating and making the most of the present moment rather than becoming overly attached to things that are bound to change or fade away.
But does having that rule associated in my mind make me truly detached from these worldly possessions? Well, up till a certain point. But when it comes to people; perhaps not.
Yet it gives me power, clarity, and a truth about life that it’s just not the idea of things ending or going away from this world, but things changing while being present in this world.
People change
“People change and forget to tell each other.” — Lillian Hellman
At the heart of Adlerian psychology lies the concept of the “striving for superiority.” Unlike a quest for dominance or power over others, this striving represents an intrinsic motivation for individuals to overcome challenges, realize their potential, and find significance in their lives.
The pursuit of superiority propels individuals towards change, as they constantly seek to improve themselves, their circumstances, and their contribution to society.
Unless it’s your parents or close family, is what I believe, people at any point of the day can change. As most of us operate through our emotions and what feels good to us in contrast with what the wide spectrum of things has us to offer.
You can be close to someone with years of bond, they can leave you when some realization strikes them or they feel not so good with you when they have better people to be with or a better purpose to fulfill. Whereas, someone who just got close to you, with whom you don’t have a good bond, might end up being with you for a really long time (again- I’m not considering them staying for life cause uncertainty has its fair share accompanied with fate); if not life.
Everyone goes through different things at different points in their lives. Some have to suffer a lot, some are lucky in this game, and some just taste an equal amount of brutality as delight. So generalizing the change in people would not be correct, yet the cornerstone of the cause or the fundamentals of the consequence can be predetermined.
The cause can accompany reasons like finding someone more satisfactory, having issues when it comes to preference and priority, or just not being with them in the end for the sake of finding better things. But when we talk about the consequence, it’s all upon the decision. Causes are equivalent to excuses to leave someone, but the consequence is the determiner of whether you desire them in the first place or not independent of the intricacy of the situation.
The things I put forward can be based on my experiences, but from what I know, it’s a choice at the end of the day. I’ll talk about the choice thingy further in the read as you go along!
Losing people
“Loss is a haunting melody that lingers within us, reminding us of the beautiful symphony of memories we shared with those we’ve lost.”
As I started this article by talking about the recent thoughts and realizations I’ve had that I’m trying to superimpose my conceptions with is about the idea of losing people. Losing is not in the sense of them leaving this world, which is far more profound and hard to talk about; losing people while they still being present is something that hurts equally- perhaps more as we’re aware that it’s a choice made by them which can be reverted and not an outcome of destiny, hence it’s far harder to embrace it knowing it still can change, and they still can stay.
This percent of hope that we have in ourselves that they will turn back to us as it’s their will, equally makes us feel good as it kills and causes us to hollow from the inside. Which is scary, isn’t it?
Having gone through the worst of the phases when people leave you made me realize a single most important thing all along.
It’s not worth scaring that you will lose people.
I’ve reached this point, and I think one shouldn’t experience everything that I’ve experienced, or even worse that people do, to actually embrace this. But it is what it is at the end of the day.
I don’t scare of losing people anymore because I am very mindful of the fact that I actually don’t while they are alive. It’s the people who lose me as they choose to do so. Surely, I’d hold on to them, but if they don’t want to stay then there’s no point holding on to them in the first place. Which then makes me think about this whole thing in a completely different way.
I do hold on to the people I love and it’s mutual; hence it exists. But if the other person doesn’t wanna hold on to this, all the tries are going to give you more heartbreaks, which does fill up the gap of not regretting in the future as you tried your best to win them back, but HEY! THEY ARE NOT FOR YOU.
It’s easier to say this, yet I’ve been through this hence I think I can that,
One shouldn’t be afraid of losing people, because they would always hold on to you and stay if they truly wanted you in the first place. They’d always find that one reason to stay when there are thousands of reasons to give up on you because of something.
I don’t fear cause the people who’d stay will hold on any time of the day. Even if it gets toxic, they will find every reason to fix it and make it pure, but most importantly, they won’t give up.
Yet if they do, then they never belonged with me.
Which equally applies to me as well. And it does put me in a position that makes me vulnerable to getting hurt easily, as I try to hold on till the end. I strive for that one percent of hope. But that’s not what one should do if the other person is very clear of not wanting you in their life or they have distanced from you already.
There does exist sorrow in me when I lose people, which just goes to show that I did love them. But there’s no point in scaring, as it’s part of the overthinking process. And even if they leave you, you should be validated with the fact that perhaps, there are people in the future who are gonna be with you just because of the choice of holding on to you.
And it was, it is, and it always will be a mutual thing. Regardless of that being a relationship between friends, a couple, or a family. The want of both people is what makes it all happen.
The people who have left everything on their fate are the people who let this universe write the story of life for them. But the people who believe in their sheer decisions over what is destined for them are the people who write the stories for themselves, and that’s when the universe comes together to bring those people together when that want is beyond the limit.
Uncertainty or a choice?
Are we a product of the things we’ve been through or a result of the choices we made during those experiences? — Kabir Khanuja
When you think about all of this from a rational point of view, you tend to realize that it’s more about the choices we make than the fate or the uncertainty involved in it.
Might that be your relationship with people, or money, or academics, at each and every second of our life, there’s a choice we make. A choice to love, a choice to love, a choice to breathe, a choice to eat, a choice to write, a choice to study, everything comes down to the choices we make. And the one that weaves all this together involves components of fortune, situation, and some other factors. And this all together is your destiny; that we apparently say is written.
I do agree that destiny is written, but I can’t even deny the fact that we’ve co-authored it with fortune.
What about uncertainties then?
Yes, they do exist.
And I completely believe in fate as well. But I think that the idea of you taking a decision, you having a choice is always more powerful than fate. Because take any successful story, fortune had its fair share, but if it wasn’t for them taking that risk, trying that hard, and being consistent, then it won’t be possible. And having to go through those odds was the decision they took and the choice that they made. Success involved fate, but the journey involved choices.
Hence, the one who thinks above fate, who has control over their emotions for the choice that they have to take against the odds given by the situation is the one who holds on to independent of the complexity. When two people have this situation between them, then that relationship (friend, couple, family), lasts.
Stay
You stay with your choice, you leave with your choice.
I won’t deny that life does have some surprising plans for you that you never expected. Maybe, you leaving was written already for that surprise to occur. Maybe, you being left was also written already for that surprise to happen. Maybe everything is written already.
But then what is in our hands?
To stay is in our hands.
Life won’t surprise you all the time. But when it does, it does for good.
The surprise can be brutal for something pleasant in the future, yet the surprise can be beautiful for what it is. Our job is to make the choice.
Nothing in this world is right or wrong, nothing. It’s the comprehension of the consequence that puts us in a position of judging our conscience. We may choose the right things at the wrong time, or wrong things at the right time. Yet it all boils down to the idea of having the power to take those choices. Time here is not in our hands, but we can acknowledge that the time is wrong but the thing is right, and working upon it is our decision and our brainstorming. And that’s how the want works and that’s how one tries to write one’s own destiny. Which again, is mutual.
If two people want to last in a friendship, in a relationship, in bonding, and in harmony, then both will have to take a joint decision with a solid level of wants and wills in common.
Situations or life will bring you ups and downs to test the strength of the profoundness of the bond every time, but when those two people choose each other regardless, that’s the most powerful thing for it to be broken. In fact, it just can’t break.
Because we decide to stay.
Kabir Khanuja.
Think about it…
Thank you, friends, for reading this article, I’m glad hoping that I’ve given some value-addition to your life and you can relate to this. Have a great day, and cherish every moment, until next time, peace!
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Originally posted on Substack by Kabir Khanuja
