We’re Beautiful ✨
Hey Friends,
Lately, I was scrolling through my feed on Instagram where the algorithm serves most of the content futile and vain on our feed plate. But there was something that caught my attention because it was a text post or a mini-writeup kinda thing that’s mostly interesting and useful. It was a lovely write-up by Kirsten Robinson, the author of ‘Evergreen’ — it’s a beautiful book I must mention, on her page — NakedWriting. It touched me deep inside and I ended up reflecting and realizing so many things that I never presumed before. It said,
I hope you remember that the first time your mother laid eyes upon you, all she saw was love. The next time you start looking in the mirror at all the things you want to change, I hope you remember that when you came into this world, there were people who looked at you and thought you were the most perfectly formed human they had ever seen. There still are people who look at you and thank the universe each time for giving them such a precious gift. I hope you remember that where you see things you dislike, they see all that is good and beautiful wrapped up in laughter and the things that make you uniquely you.
There’s not a single day that went me not looking at the mirror, constantly trying to cover my insecurities so that society would accept me, but the matter of fact is, I’ve set these rules for myself having a vision that society doesn’t accept me. Yes, I do agree that society, well, the media and the film industry have set some molds and definitions as to the meaning of being beautiful or handsome, but it comes down to whether I accept them or not. The reason me being insecure is that I’ve embraced those definitions to create my own rules for how I should look. It may be in terms of whether you are fat or thin, you are tall or short, have pimples or not, whatsoever.
But when I read that, I realized that most of the things that I overthink in regards to my looks have come from within myself. None of my family members or my friends have come to me to talk about the things I was insecure about unless I told them. There’s hardly one or two things that people come to me saying that if this was like that, I would have looked much better. But other than that, 95% of my insecurities come from within myself. I even reflected upon the view of people, especially my mom.
Every child is the most handsome or beautiful kid in the eyes of his or her mother in the world.
Also, people glimpse so many unique things in me that they like and cherish and that I’ve never admired or seen.
Further in the article, I’d be talking about the problem, the example, and the ultimate solution. So make sure you go through haha…
The Society
There’s so much so the society. It’s not just the people occupied with a particular mindset and thinking but also different industries like the media industry and the film industry that set some rules. They sell us a particularity of perfection. The social media and the influencers’ style in a way which in turn creates an image on millions of followers, which again sets particularity of perfection. The products and the advertisements for the same are brought to us in a way that shapes our mind for what it is and creates a specific need to buy them. Sadly the people behind the manufacturing of the products and ads know about this limitation and hence they’re able to sell us that way not being tricked themselves.
Not only the social media influencers and ads but even the actors and actresses when they go out in public. They have this constant need to look different from what they are actually. Added on make-up, expensive dresses, and accessories. Which even sets a definition for the hero in the film — tall and full of muscles with great hair etc. When millions of people accept that definition, you try to fit in that by changing yourself.
People who try to lose weight to look better, won’t have a change in terms of how they are as a person or how’s their charisma, but when one loses weight for his good in regards to health and well-being, will definitely improve in terms of their habits which will impact his lifestyle for their good in the long run.
And at times people as well. The day your hair isn’t set well, or you’ve pimples on your face or you’re fat and short, they’d consider you ugly. They might not come and tell you directly, but they’d ask you to change things and look better. Most of the time, it’s because they are insecure about those things and hence they try correcting others, but it’s the fact that how you see and accept yourself. The answer will help you bring happiness and joy over the struggle for perfection.
The Insecurities
There’s an endless list of things that people are insecure about. And it gets crazier as you go on reading the list because most of the insecurities mentioned aren’t experienced by us until we give it a thought and then overthink and finally develop an insecure mindset. It might be someone’s hair, stomach, thighs, height, cheeks, nose, and the list goes on and on and on…
As a kid, I was never insecure about my height. As I grew up and saw that people judge you based on it, I started to develop insecurity. I was on my way struggling to get a few inches of height — running, cycling, playing basketball, literally consuming a lot of protein, getting proper sleep, etc. Over time I learned that
You can’t change the things that are out of your control, and when you realize that you can’t change even after putting in so much effort, it breaks your heart and does disappoint you.
This was during the covid period, but post that period I got to know that people admired many things that I never did other than just worrying about a single factor. And the insecurity that I had was coming from inside.
Nothing that comes from the outside can hurt or upset you, this comes from within, and the sooner you realize that, the easier it will get for you to take that power back.
So just go on imagining that if you were the only person who existed on this planet, would you be insecure about the things that you are about now? The answer would come out as no because then you don’t have to prove anyone trying to be perfect. You’d literally be yourself as you’re the only one who exists. You’d actually accept the way you are and you won’t really care about any sorta definition of being beautiful or handsome that’s carved by the society. There’s literally gonna be no one commenting on you and the worth of the efforts you put in would be scaled by your self-satisfaction.
Hence, in the real world — outside the hypothetical situation where there are countless people you can compare yourself to and end up being insecure, you gotta live like you’re the only person you’ve to first give importance to. You’ve to embrace yourself and create your own definition of beauty because there is no such thing as perfection, and to be perfectly imperfect is perfectly good enough. And remember, it all comes from within, if you’re insecure, it’s you who is responsible for it and not society. To bring change in society is difficult, but to change our own mindset is easier. Learn to embrace and love yourself, because my friend, you are beautiful:)
The Baby
Recently, this summer, I had my family come over from the US. It was fun to be honest, getting together after so long. I met my baby brother for the first time. This 2-year-old kid was full of energy, joy, and happiness. He wasn’t insecure about anything and didn’t really care about looks. Now I’m sounding a little bit crazy considering an example of a baby, who barely knows how to talk properly, that is how he’d know about the insecurities. And that exactly proves my point. You get to know about various insecurities amongst people, you get to know the contrasts that exist in you that make you feel that you are weird than what society is, and you tend to grasp a particular shape that you’ve to achieve in order to be perfect and that’s wrong because we all are uniquely ourselves and that makes us beautiful.
The reason behind babies not caring about their looks is because they’ve never been taught that way at that stage of their life, and even if they’re taught, they don’t pick those things up. So the deal is that you gotta have a baby mindset. It’s not that you don’t have to give a damn about how you look, but it’s the fact that you need to embrace the way you look and not change for others. You need not buy what is sold to us by social media and the film industry. You should know that your imperfect curves draw a sign of beauty that’s perfect.
There should be a mindset or perspective switch. That is, you shouldn’t get fit to look attain perfection but for your health, you shouldn’t care about your skin because it makes you look attractive, but so that you make sure it’s healthy and doesn’t cause any sort of problems. My father always says that it’s essential to retain everything the way it is that’s natural in our body. Like different kinds of plastic surgeries that people do or the straightening and making of your hair curly and maybe even coloring them will cause harm in the long run. We should retain and adopt how they are naturally. But I even know that girls don’t always dress for others, they get ready for themselves so that they feel good about it. Now, getting dressed, and styling yourself in a particular way that you think will look good to others is different, when it’s in the context of satisfying ourselves and not really caring about others’ opinions.
On talking with some of my friends, they told me that they dress according to the traditional event, or weather, mood swings, etc. But the point where you start dressing so that you look good in the eyes of others, is where you’re changing and not being yourself.
“I am not who you think I am; I am not who I think I am; I am who I think you think I am” — Charles Horton Cooley
When he says that I am who I think you think I am, is the point proving that everything comes from within. We being unhappy comes from within ourselves, and even we not being satisfied. Will changing my shape, coloring my hair, curing my skin, and dressing up in a way look gorgeous in my eyes, or do I think that it will look fantastic in the eyes of others and hence I’m gonna do it that way? — should be the question you gotta ask. Girls, don’t wear bikinis being insecure about your body, wear them proudly as a sign that you love your body and that you happily welcome it :D
What makes you beautiful?
There are a lot of things that make a person beautiful. It’s not about their skin color, or their height, weight, or their hair. It’s about how they express themselves in a way that they are true to themselves and they accept the way they are. Being more of yourself and embracing is more important than trying to change for the society. There’s actually so much to you than just one or two of your aspects that you yourself judge on comparing others. Comparing wouldn’t get you anywhere and nor will it help you. But what you can admire about yourself, or love in other people is their confidence, their kindness and loyalty, their charisma, their ideas, and their inspiration. What type of a person you are at the end of the day matters and not the amount of effort and money you’ve invested changing your physical appearance. Our bodies are just vessels containing our magical soles. We need to embrace our vessels and express our soles. We need to take care of our vessels and do good for society.
Only a few of the most successful people fit into those beauty standards and that mold which was created by the fashion and entertainment industry that’s sold to us on daily basis. The thing common between all of them is that they’ve accepted the way they are, they’ve embraced their looks so that they could channel that energy into something abundant and impactful, and hence they’re where they are.
Conclusion
There’s no definition of beauty, and if I were to define one, there’s no use defining it for society but for myself. I am beautiful because I accept the way I am, and I love myself and I admire that. People might ask how one goes about loving him or herself, well there’s a long answer and a short answer to it. I’m soon going to be podcasting on it with a really special person, but other than that, I’d talk about the short answer now.
Take paper and pen, or a surface to write on. List down the things you are insecure about, or you feel that make you look ugly and weird. Mention the reason and also the arguments if it’s the society or the media that you see that makes you feel different, or it’s you yourself who thinks that it’s imperfect while comparing. The moment you realize that grounds lie within yourself, change your perspective as you own the power. I know it’s easy to say and hard to do, but trust the process and surely give it a try.
Nothing that comes from the outside can hurt or upset you, this comes from within, and the sooner you realize that the easier it will get for you to take that power back!
Steve Maraboli says, ‘When you accept yourself, you are freed from the burden of needing others to accept you. Don’t allow anyone or anything to control, limit, repress, or discourage you from being your true self! Accept yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, your truths, and know what tools you have to fulfill your purpose.’
I hope you always remember that there is no such thing as perfection, and to be perfectly imperfect is perfectly good enough.
Think about it…
Thank you friends for reading this article, I’m glad hoping that I’ve given some value addition to your life and you can relate to this. Have a great day, cherish every moment, until next time, peace!
Make sure to check out my podcasts — ThatOneThinker
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Originally published by Kabir Khanuja at https://www.getrevue.co
